Maybe it was naïve of me, but 7 years ago, I didn't realise you could learn techniques to help you deal with stress.
And I thought that if you could learn techniques to reduce stress, it was things like meditation or relaxation techniques - I didn't realise there were whole frameworks you could work through.
Then I discovered the "adaptive and coping tool for stress" - not the most catchy name but it's changed my life.
And not just mine. It was one of the first wellbeing techniques I taught at Bristol Vet School back in 2016 - an experienced colleague says that even years later, she still uses this framework, still finds it helpful, and has even taught it to other people herself.
So what it is?
Put simply, you break-down the stressful thing into things you can change and things you can't.
Then you change the things you can and emotionally deal with the things you can't.
Let me give you an example. You have a massive to-do list and feel overwhelmed.
1) What can you change?
- you could remove anything non-essential
- you could ask for help completing things
- if there are deadlines, you could see if these could be extended
- you could learn skills like mindfulness to increase your focus and productivity
2) Do these things.
3) What can't you change?
- there might be some things that have to be done, with a deadline
- some things may need to be completed by you
- there are only so many hours in the day
4) How can you emotionally deal with these aspects?
- acceptance to release worry about things you can't change
- self-kindness
- meditate to deal with the stress
- confide in a loved one
Now the key here is not ignoring things you can change and not trying to change things you can't - that's where stress comes in.
So if you're overwhelmed and you try and meditate without first changing things within your control - the meditation won't work as well.
This is one of the reasons I see people saying "meditation doesn't work for me".
Equally if you're someone that likes to think their way to a solution, this makes it easier to switch off, because you know that what you're left with can't be changed.
Now I know this seems a bit formulaic written here, but with practise, this starts happening automatically and makes your mindful practice SO much easier.
So some homework for you today.
Pick something you're finding stressful right now, then break it down according to the 4 steps above, making sure you actually DO the action steps you create for yourself.
I'd love it if you let me know how it feels - pop something in the comments or send me an email if you give this a go.
And if you hit any stumbling blocks, why not get on the waiting list for one-to-one coaching?
When spaces become available, you'll be offered a free 30minute one-to-one call, where I can answer any questions you have and we can chat about whether coaching with me would help you achieve less stress in your life long term.
And if I think it will - you'll be offered a money-back guarantee on my coaching packages. So if you don't notice less stress as a result of working with me, you'll get a refund.
Sending love xx
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