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I wish I knew then, what I knew now

When I left veterinary practice, I felt like a failure.

I'd heard that you were counted as a "young vet" until you were 8 years qualified and I thought "if it's going to take me another 6 years to have seen enough cases to count as experienced, I can't feel like this every day for another 6 years".

Because every day I felt inadequate. I felt stupid. I felt this constant worry that a case would come in that I couldn't handle and a patient would die and it would be all my fault.

So I constantly checked my diagnoses and treatment plan with colleagues. Sometimes more than one colleague.

It seemed like a good way to prevent something dying due to my incompetence but it gradually ate away at my confidence.

See I was waiting for external proof that I was good at my job, before I could trust myself. I wanted to know FOR SURE that I was right before sending a dog home with some medication, or that I could do a surgery totally on my own before booking it in.

I didn't realise that I was wearing a massive pair of "I'm not good enough" glasses. These glasses affected everything I saw, everything I heard, everything I did.

I saw everything through these glasses.

So even when I did do something well (because in hindsight, I can see that I was a good vet, even if I thought I wasn't at the time), I couldn't see it.

It meant that when a colleague kindly said "Lucy I think you can do this on your own, but call me if you need me" I would feel myself tighten. I'd panic a little. I'd say to myself "you can do this, you can do this, you can do this" as if that would help. I'd find it hard to concentrate. So I'd end up calling for the help they'd offered, while feeling like more of a failure than I did before.

My confidence got LOWER over time.

I recognised that even at 8 years qualified, I wouldn't feel like I knew enough.

Because even then I knew you could never know everything. And I knew that unless I knew EVERYTHING, I'd worry.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

That it's possible to trust yourself WITHOUT waiting for proof that you can do everything.

It's about taking off the glasses that bias EVERYTHING. Without the "I'm not good enough". glasses, I would have done a surgery, recognised that it was difficult, asked for help and felt excited about learning something new. Then ironically my confidence would have actually increased over time as I learnt more too.

As it was, I was too busy chastising myself for being stupid to learn much.

Helping clients take off their "I'm not good enough" glasses has got to be one of the best bits of being a coach.

And it's why I'm so excited about the upcoming SELF-TRUST TOOLKIT.

For 4 weeks, we'll be looking at exactly what glasses you're wearing (there's not just one pair of "I'm not good enough" glasses - think of it like different brands that come out on different days) and helping you take them off.

It means you'll be able to actually see how good you are (when you're actually good) and ask for help when you need it and still learn from it.

And what that means is even bigger than that.

It means you can enjoy your job.

It means you can go to bed at night and feel proud of yourself.

It means you can get up in the morning and feel excited about learning something new.

Because if you're working in a job you've been aiming towards for your whole life, the least you owe yourself is to feel good now you've made it there.

If you want to learn more about the SELF-TRUST TOOLKIT, check out the details on my "work with me" page and then send me an email with any questions.

This is honestly one of my favourite things about my one-to-one MINDSET coaching and I'm so excited to be able to explore this some of you in a TOOLKIT too.


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