This comes up a LOT with my one-to-one MINDSET clients.
Hard-working perfectionists saying they get home in the evening and then instead of relaxing, find themselves talking to their partner over dinner about all the meetings they had that day, what they said, what their boss said, and exactly how much more work they now have.
These same hard-working people checking their emails at 10pm before they go to bed, in case anything new has come in that they should be aware of before starting work the next day.
These same people struggle to finish work on time and rarely take a full lunch-break because they'd rather be working than worrying about work.
These people want to relax. They know something needs to give. They know of they keep working like this, they're going to get burnt out (and maybe not for the first time).
But every time they try and relax, a new thought pops up.
Or they remember that email they forgot to proof-read before sending.
And ultimately, they don't know how to break the cycle.
Well the first step to doing something different is understanding WHY you're finding it so hard in the first place.
So let's break it down. Why is it sometimes SO hard to switch off and leave work at work? Here's 3 key things I see in my clients
1. You think the thinking is helping you.
You worry if you switch off it will all turn into a disaster.
But actually, all the thinking is making it difficult to focus. Which is making you more likely to make a mistake or miss something. Which is making you think you need to think more.
But you wouldn't expect Mo Farah to perform well by running EVERYWHERE all the time. So why expect your mind to perform well if it's always thinking?
2. Your brain is addicted to being 'on'.
It's. not that you're a person that 'can't switch off' , it's that you've just trained your brain to always be thinking.
So the minute there's a pause, it rushes in with "but have you remembered to put carrots on the shopping list?" or "don't forget to call Mrs Smith when you get to work tomorrow".
It's trying to help, it's doing what it thinks you want (which we've established, you actually do kind of want ). It's like training a puppy to wee on puppy pads by the back door and then expecting him to know he's supposed to wee in the garden. It literally doesn't know how to do that.
3. You don't want to let people down
You're a kind, caring person and you don't want to be the reason someone else has a sh$t day at work, because you didn't pull your weight. So you keep working, keep double checking everything, to make sure you don't let anyone else down.
Which leads us to the next point....
4. You don't trust yourself to keep all the balls in the air
You think that if you relax, if you let your mind switch-off, you'll miss something important.
Even more than thinking that all the thinking is helping you, you fundamentally don't believe that you're the kind of the person to get things right first time without checking.
5. You know you want to change but you don't know how
On your own at least.
You try to put your phone away but then reach for it 2 minutes later.
You try to "just focus on the moment in front of you" but then you remember something crucial that you keep forgetting to do and so jump up to deal with it.
It's because switching off is a skill, just like learning to speak a foreign language. You don't just start spontaneously speaking in French without learning a few words and phrases. It takes effort initially, to learn the strategies and then to implement them.
Of course you can learn how to switch off yourself, just like you can teach yourself how to speak French.
But if you want support to make it happen quicker, more easily and to a much deeper level than you can on your own, my one-to-one MINDSET coaching supports hard-working caring people to switch off and enjoy your evenings and weekends WITHOUT dropping any essential balls (I know you're juggling a lot!) and even if it feels like your brain won't let you.
I'll introduce you to my unique coaching strategies like The Switch-Off Cycle, which will give you in-the-moment strategies to help you switch off the moment you leave work while also building your self-trust so switching off becomes easier and easier over time, and The CARE Technique for managing those feelings of overwhelm and guilt about letting others down.
And if after 3 months together, your life doesn't look significantly different, I'll offer you your money back.
If you want to start leaving work at work, so you can laugh with your husband at dinner like you did on your first date, book yourself a free call to discuss the details.
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